I thought it would be nice if there was a single thread where people could put there song lyrics up for criticism, there is a lot of talk about what it takes to write a good song but I think it would be great to actually see what ideas people have. So if you have any songs you have written, or just ideas you would like some input on, please post them here.

Ok... I guess I'm going to have to start this off aren't I? I suppose it is my thread so here goes...
These are some lyrics I have had in my head at work today, what do people think?

It's not the first time,
but it still feels like she wants it,
and she's telling friends to stop it,
cause it really ain't that funny anymore,

It's just another way of letting you know,
your solutions turned into a bore and oh!
you helped yourself without helping her first,

So tell her about your dream last night, I'm sure she'll find it cute,
But don't expect a fanfare and a great parade through the streets,
Its just another way of letting you know your excuse was far too weak to hold up over all this time...


Umm... **** knows what it's about! I haven't really gotten this thread off to a good start have I!? Oh well, It's the end of the day and I am tired, I'm going home to listen to my new CD's! I'll try and post some better lyrics that aren't just made up on the spot next time!

So do you want people to critic yours or anyone who wants to post?

Both! I want people to post their own stuff and offer constructive criticism on the work of others. I'm not sure how many songwriters there are out there but I'm sure that a lot of people have written a song or a poem at some point, I just think it would be nice if people shared ideas with each other!

Well ok, It might be only me and you though. This is not the most popular forum.

Don't bother if you don't want to, I'll just keep posting my stuff anyway and if anyone cares they can join in.

My favourite bit out of the stuff you posted was 'I pity the bones'. Some of the other stuff was good but I'm afraid I found parts rather cliched. Some of the lines you used sound as though they've been used a thousand times before. But that 'pity the bones' bit is pretty fantastic, I reckon if you built a song more around that line you could have something really good. I love the ideas and images that simple sentance conjures up, it makes me think a lot more than any of the other parts of your songs.

No-one has said anything about my previous song yet but I'm going to go ahead and throw in a few more lyrics for people to criticise.

I wrote you a letter, But I forgot to send it,
I wrote you a song, But I forgot the words so I just hum along,
To the tune, of a song they used to sing to me in my youth,
How are you? I was wondering if you'll be back this winter,
I was wondering if you'll be back at all...

I'm kissing concrete, underneath her feet
I'm face down and out for the count for another big party,
Won't you join me? She said I'm drunk but I can still kiss pretty well,

It all depends on on the way that you tell that story,
It all depends on the way we hold each other like we do sometimes.

Am I right? Or what? Don't just stand there like you forgot your lines,
I'm sure we've rehearsed this time and time again,
But when it comes to the bit where we fall in love you pretend,
That you've got somewhere more important to be, than with me,
You probably have, You probably have

I'll probably be kissing concrete, dressed to kill
Under her feet, what's there to tell
We fell apart like the New Year, it rained all night and you went home quite early.
And besides, this weekend will be the last time I see you,
For a while, I guess I'll have a little time to recover.

Weird, I think I need to address the feelings I have for someone very close to me. That was a little more than I intended it to be. I think it needs work though.

well i like it. call me stupid but im not entirely sure wat its about but that doesnt really matter.

Ok, I wasn't trying to offend you. If you read my first post it explains why I started this thread. If you don't want to talk about your songs then why did you post them? Feel free to rip my songs to shreds if you like, I don't think that what I've written is particularly good!
And on a final note, even if you don't know what it means right now the meaning of a song is important (But let's keep that discussion out of this thread!)