Meh, I might as well try my hand at some song writing. My first real attempt at song writing, but give good criticisem or however you spell it.

VERSE
-------
Little voice inside my head
Paints pretty pictures in my mind
Big mouth with a dirty joke
I wont repeat with bad taste
Kid shot his little voice
Little voice all over the place

Little vice gave him a gun
"What was said can be undone"
Circle pictures in the year book
The ones that have bad taste
kid won't listen the voice
6 feet under is now the case

Chorus
-------
Little voice
With a gun
Mental rifle, and we're done
Keep me here
Keep him dead
What once was I shouldn't of said

VERSE
-------
What's that inside your head
Shouldnt give my two cents
What joke, there is a bomb
Set before he left our mortal place
Listened to his little voice
But who the hell believes in fate?

Chorus X 1 and a half
---------------------------

Bridge
-------
He's perfect
Were OK
Nothings perfect
Were not great
He's nothing
And we're no better along

Half Chorus
---------


Keep in mind this is my 1st stab t songwriting. Give Healthy crtiques. HEALTHY!!

Thanks

*Whistles and tune while waiting*

I like them, quite clever. especially good for a first attempt. None too subtle though!

Here's something I threw up for fun.. it kinda sucks but that's what I wrote for no reason the other day... feel free to improve on what could be improved on (all of it) lol
Called so far "My Story's Been Set"

Has the story been set…
Has the glory been spread …
You know that I know
all fakes and the lies
And til morning when I come with the truth
You’ll be sorry
You used me, abused me
Refused to hear the accus…ations
Now you know, its
Just your call

Bridge:
When they come for you, now
I know I won't stop
Them for your sake, its better
For you to stop all the fake

Chorus:
In the night you’ll be cold
Justice’ll take its toll
I’m not one bit of sorry to
You ’specially when you know
Its time for you to go
girl Be gone. girl Have fun.
Without me being here.
I’d rather hold a gun
To my face than to come
Back into, your life.

Has the morning yet wept
I hope youven’t slept
Your cheating, deceiving,
It’s all come to an end
Like your life’s goals and its trends.
I found someone
I’m having fun
Making your life as miserable and can be
You thought you won
Being the one to leave from me

Just for anyone's information I trashed this song and started my collection over agian, compare this one to stuff I might put on later. Anyway, yours reminds me of what I use to do. It seems a tad bit forced as mine did. Got to let it flow naturally. Try posting this on it's own though

It was sorta forced, but I was really bored and was listening to some simliar lyric'd songs at the time. I have another one but it's not really a song, just more of a long run on poem that I'm trying to format into an organized song.

mr hero, i liked that song ( apart from the verse sucked a bit ) but the song is realy catchy !!!! ( in a good way ) !